Patience is a Virtue
by thespeedforce4
Summary: ... and Jason Todd was never a saint. "I didn't think you would go after him. I didn't - I thought you would wait. Wait for Batman - like he told you." Dick ran a hand under his nose, sniffing into the black leather. "Why couldn't you just wait for him, Jason?"


_Patience is a virtue and Jason Todd was never a saint. "I didn't think you would go after him. I didn't - I thought you would wait. Wait for Batman - like he told you." Dick ran a hand under his nose, sniffing into the black leather. "Why couldn't you just wait for him, Jason?"_

Dick tries to apologize

* * *

 _If you must mourn, my love_

 _Mourn with the moon and the stars up above_

"So that's it," he kicked a stray rock to the side, watching it bounce through the neatly cut grass. Droplets of water that clung to the blades rolled from their perches into the dirt. "You're just gonna leave me like this?" He let out a hard chuckle. Short. Humorless.

A final drop of rain hit the shoulder of his jacket. He shoved his hands into his pockets, clenching his fists into the leather. No response. "That's not fair." A frown tugged at his lips. "That's not fair, Jason." The breeze ruffled his black hair, the final chill from the earlier Gotham rain. It hadn't stopped raining since it happened. Since he - Dick shook his head in a futile attempt to clear away the dark memories that insisted on drowning him. It was only a matter of time before the rain started up again. It was only a matter of time before the world started up again. Business as usual; as if nothing happened.

Dick glared to the side, refusing to look directly in front of him. He wasn't ready to look at him. Not yet. He wasn't ready. His stomach clenched. _Pull it together, Grayson._

"I should," he stopped, running his hands through his damp hair. "I should have been there. Fuck." His clenched fists shook. "I should have been there for you."

Dick's spine stiffened, his eyes trained at the branches of a nearby tree. Studying them. He couldn't look at him. "I didn't think," his voice cracked dangerously. "I didn't think you would go after him. I didn't - I thought you would wait. Wait for Batman - like he told you." Dick ran a hand under his nose, sniffing into the black leather. "He told you to wait for him. _He taught us that_. He gave us shit about being patient all the time." His voice rose, no longer concealing the vulnerability that seeped into the words. No longer trying to be strong. "Always go with a plan. He taught us never to go alone. _Never_ go alone. Especially - especially not for the Joker." Dick sighed. "He told you to wait. Why couldn't you just wait for him, Jason?"

His knees buckled and he crouched down onto the balls of his feet. Eye level.

Dick's gaze drifted to the gray stone in front of him. "Why'd you do it, Jase?"

His eyes glazed over, focusing and unfocusing on the words etched into the concrete. Straight. Even. Permanent. It was wrong. It shouldn't be there. It didn't belong on the rock. Not yet. He felt the overwhelming urge to throw up.

 _Here Lies Jason Todd_.  
 _1999 - 2014_

He fell back, soaking his jeans. His legs propped up in front of him. "I - I miss you, baby brother. I can't keep pretending. I'm not alright. _I'm not_."

Dick stared up to the heavens, the clouds rolled up in the sky. "I've been staying at the Manor. And Alfred - Alfred has made chili dogs every night. Your favorite. Every damn night. I don't think I've had so many chili dogs before in my entire life. And, honestly, I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing yet." Dick smiled, the act should feel foreign on his lips, but after everything, it didn't. It felt right. Like they were sharing an inside joke.

"And Bruce," Dick continued. "Bruce is going crazy, you know? He loved you. I know you didn't think he did, but he did." He smiled. "He does." He couldn't tell if the water on his face was from the rain or him. Probably both.

"I - I don't know what to do, Jason." Dick choked back a sob. "I do - I don't know how to f-feel." He stuttered, holding nothing back. He wrung his hands together. "I want to yell, and cry. I want to throw up. I - I want. I want him to suffer." His breath shuddered. "He's in Arkham. Batman put him in Arkham." He snorted. "He doesn't deserve that. But - but Bruce says it's the right thing. Revenge isn't the answer and I know that - I _know_ that." Dick smirked, "but it sure as hell would make me feel better." The smile fell from his face. He sighed. "It doesn't really matter anymore, I guess. I just wanted you to know -" he rested his hand on the cold stone. "I wanted you to know. I love you. I'm sorry."

He laughed. He could almost hear Jason. He swore he could hear a snarky ass comment in the wind that was just so Jason. The son of a bitch could have been sitting on his own gravestone right in front of Dick for all he knew. " _Are you finished_?"

Dick stood and straightened his jacket, ignoring the mud and grass stains on his jeans. He turned back to the manor. The sky had cleared up. Dick smiled up at the stars, abnormally bright after the rain that, momentarily, drew away the Gotham City smog. Even if only for a little while. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

* * *

To be continued...

* * *

Song is _You_ by Keaton Henson. It kills me. Every time.

thanks for reading and reviewing

Natalie

the speed force


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